You can't motorboat a personality
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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