Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
