I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
