so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
