After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
