fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
