The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
