I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
