he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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