I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
