I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
