i jhust puked up my retainher.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize