How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
