; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
