I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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