I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
