You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
