he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did i walk over a car last night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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