I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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