I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
