see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's the barista slut.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
