i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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