I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
