i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
