she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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