I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I could fuck to npr.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
