her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
