My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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