I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
