So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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