I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
