when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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