I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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