mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
