on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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