Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
