Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
