On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so much tequila, so little girl.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
