not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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