so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize