when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
