I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
