This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
