i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
