she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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