Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
