Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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