counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
