i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
