I showed him my bush... on skype.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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