I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
