I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
