college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
