I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
