i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
