If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
