Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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