Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
