it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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