What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
