I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hippo gnu deer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
