im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
