My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
