Im at strip club and am horny
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i permit you to call me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
