i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
