wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FUCK WHALES
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
